I am an inhabitant of a world between worlds - one that encompasses what is considered typical among the denizens of Healthyville while simultaneously residing within the Kingdom of Patienthood. My "Middle Earth" is the planet Pre-Med. I am trilingual, fluent in: layperson (everyday, non-fancy speech - my preference as it is non-headache producing and happens to be the official language of Healthyville); sickly - a slang version of layperson, spoken by the tribe of professional patients; and last but not least, medical jargon - a hybrid language comprised of layperson and sickly dialect (as I have said many moons ago, the spoken tongue of healthcare is like having a secret code - it is a language the dances between the worlds of sickness and health: it has to). It's no wonder that I am verbally clumsy! - I can't synchronize my multilingual thoughts with my tongue.
However, I do have to give props to my PCP. Either his undergrad, or medical training, had to have included course work in "Interpretation of the Addle-Brained Word Vomit of a Distractable Mind", because there are times where even I can't translate my own thoughts/words. It's frustrating, because I never used to be this way; yet, somewhere along my travels of Chronieville (chronie is short for a chronically ill person, and no citizens of Healthyville, you may NOT use that term when referencing those like/similar to me... rude), I became less organized in my speech. I don't know how he does it, but somehow he is able to understand me and helps me finesse my thought processes.
Therefore, I am going to brag about him in hopes that whomever comes across this blog - who is struggling with their relationship with their treating physician(s) - know that the type of doctor-patient relationship I share with my PCP, does exist. It is possible to have complete trust and honesty with a healthcare provider other than a nurse (because let's face it, patients have an easier time relating to their nurses than their doctor(s), the majority of the time)....
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My Dear Primary Physician:
Thank you for being amazing. No, not just amazing - but holy freakin' shit, you rock my socks off (even when they are invisible, because my feet are naked) A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! Like, could you please undergo mitosis, so that your daughter cells can enter into other sub-specialties, and be my physicians too: amazing. As in, please educate the specialists I see - and undoubtedly, the ones I'll consult in the near future - via telepathy or smoke signals... even interpretive dance - so that pat in the appointment process is not one of "awkward blind date".
As in, please, please, please - for the love of the Hippocratic Oath - pretty please, with a cherry on top: translate my addle-brained word vomit, including the matching expressions, into entities that make sense to the providers who lack the extensive history we do. Initiate those poor fools, into our club - so that perhaps, for once, I can demonstrate that a fully functioning vocabulary connecting beginning-to-middle, and middle-to-end, does exist. Help me to help the newbies. Just look at them, they are like deer - so skittish. their training didn't prepare them for patients like me, living in the world between the medical field and the human realm.
Yes, I understand what I am asking of you is a huge undertaking: yet, I know you can do it. After all, you have managed to be my number one, for nearly six years (of which, I am forever indebted to you). Surely, you would like to be a beacon of light into these poor, unsuspecting souls, and educate them of my nuances. As these physicians, like you ad several hopefuls like me: came into the field to be a healer... to play an active role in overthrowing disease. Not once, have they considered that perhaps their role as a healer would be that of one who is involved in a role greater than what is taught.
... That perhaps curing disease in not the true calling of a physician, but validating a patient's life and experiences, is.....
Out of all the doctors I am a patient of - and used to be - you are the only one who has openly (as well as actively integrated it into your practice) embraced such a concept. You have realized what I have long ago, something the medical profession is only beginning to encompass: medicine isn't merely disease management. It is the holistic encompassment of mind, body, and soul. To treat the disease, and not the person, is malpractice. My dear Primary Physician, barely over a decade post graduation - just a baby still in this field - so rare, to possess such knowledge and embrace it; this is why you are amazing and what I wish I could get my other physicians to understand (including the ones who have been in practice for decades).
So please, help me to educate those who treat me/will treat me in what they were conditioned against: to redefine failure, so that they are able to reject it... to rebuild the medical community and doctor-patient relationship. We're a great team, and I would like to extend that unto the rest of my healthcare team. Let's show them what true medicine is supposed to look like, sans medications and rules/regulations - even if there is no cure for me, in my lifetime; or, ever.
You are amazing. No doubt about it. Therefore, if you cannot clone yourself - then, do the next best thing: be my ally to other doctors.
Sincerely,
The Zebra Among the Horses
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Disclaimer:
The doctor-patient relationship takes time. It is a mutual give and take, requiring both parties to be honest while remembering one another's shared humanity. You get what you put in. If anything, not being an ass-hat/defensive will make things go much more smoothly (this goes for both parties).
